One Photo a Day ~ days 51 to 100
D a y ~ f i f t y ~ o n e ~ of 100
January 30, 2019
This morning’s perfect cup of tea was made with a big mug, little sleep, no water, and a whole lot of milk ~ steeped for three minutes. 🤦🏻♀️
But it was a the most delightful cup of refreshingly cold milk with hints of chai and cinnamon. Which probably woke me up more than my piping hot tea would have.
Two days in one is okay. We can handle fitting two days in. But three days in one is pushing us into the early hours of the morning.
Here’s to the night shifters needing that extra cup of energy. I am humbled by you. Whether you are up working, studying, caring for your little one or maybe not-so-little one 😌 ~ this cup of milk was for you. You rockstars.
Would love to hear your sleepy mishaps too! I know we all have them. Please share!
D a y ~ f i f t y ~ t w o ~ of 100
January 31, 2019
And Kim, I never wanted that Picks disease.
Oh Mama. Can I give you a hug?
I don’t know what that is. No.
It’s how you show someone you love them.
Well I don’t need it.
Can I show you? This is a hug. Now you can hug me.
Oh you want me to put it on you?
I was folding laundry, she takes the tank top from my hands and puts it on me, over my shirt.
Is that what you were thinking?
Layers of warmth. That’s exactly what I was thinking mama. That is a hug after all.
“Memories you've shed, Gone for good you feared
They're all around you still, Though they've disappeared,
Nothing's really left, Or lost without a trace
Nothing's gone forever, Only out of place”
~ The Place Where Lost Things Go,
Mary Poppins Returns
D a y ~ f i f t y ~ t h r e e ~ of 100
February 1, 2019
“The camera is an instrument that teaches people how to see without a camera.” ~ Dorothea Lange ❤️
Still so much heart.
D a y ~ f i f t y ~ f o u r ~ of 100
February 3, 2019
Entrance and exit claps for grandma all day. He knows just how much she deserves that extra bow. The littlests often have the biggest hearts.
“Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude.”
~ A.A. Milne 🍯
D a y ~ f i f t y ~ f i v e ~ of 100
February 5, 2019
I think these pages reflect her voice lately. Sometimes the circles are jumbled, the ink dark and heavy. Other days the pages are smooth and light. At some-point there was a shift mid search and she moved her pen to open space and circled ART. Even though it wasn’t a word on the list waiting to be found.
I felt the shift in her too; and in myself when I stopped and took it in as if was hanging on a gallery wall. Sometimes we all need those three letters more than we realize. Maybe it’s a paintbrush, your garden, or dancing shoes. Maybe it’s a messy masterpiece with itty bitty hands on the kitchen floor. Maybe it’s music, pies in the oven, or needle and thread. Pen to paper. Stories on stage. Behind the camera’s lens. Or perhaps within a maze of letters.
It’s ours for the making. The sharing. The celebrating. Thank you for your ART, and mama, thank you for yours.
“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” ~Pablo Picasso
D a y ~ f i f t y ~ s i x ~ of 100
February 7, 2019
Kim let’s get to that store. I want to be there. I forget what a store is.
A trip to the library seemed like the most perfect “store” to me. It has been quite some time since we all we went out adventuring together. 📚
“The only thing that you absolutely have to know, is the location of the library.” ~ Albert Einstein
D a y ~ f i f t y ~ s e v e n ~ of 100
February 8, 2019
Springtime peaking through.
What’s the name of what you got me?
Oh. A flower.
This was when she filled the days with questions. I didn’t know then that there would come a time when I would wish for just one.
I think our little purple flower may be a little too little to catch her eye. We have some planting to do, my Henry Rivers. With a little sun, a little rain, and a lot of love, maybe we’ll sprout a few curiosities too. 🌱
D a y ~ f i f t y ~ e i g h t ~ of 100
February 9, 2019
Mama bear, Grandma bear, and Baby bear breakfast. “And it was so good,” she said. Blueberry mustaches all around. 🐻
D a y ~ f i f t y ~ n i n e ~ of 100
February 10, 2019
After endless double days, I was only seeing double the laundry. These two saw double the superhero capes and ocean waves, turning piles of sheets into nothing short of extraordinary.
“Life must be lived as play.” ~ Plato
D a y ~ s i x t y ~ of 100
February 11, 2019
It wasn’t until the house was still that I looked up and saw that the fireplace was ready for a fiesta. A cotton candy carnival waiting for celebration. My husband wasn’t home, and unless our little guy found a way to bounce these up there, then mama had to have been the one to decorate. On one of her quietest days she helped me pick up his toys by throwing me a party. A surprise party with jumbo confetti; you just have to be willing to see it. 🎉
D a y ~ s i x t y ~ o n e ~ of 100
February 12, 2019
“Where is Tractor?” She went from one window to the next looking for Tracker but he was too speedy to catch. Around and around he went, pawing a mud-i-ful trench around the house that ended in a very sudsy bath for both us. I think we have the fastest 🚜 there ever was.
“The world is mud- luscious and puddle-wonderful...” E.E. Cummings
It sure is.
D a y ~ s i x t y ~ t w o ~ of 100
February 14, 2019
From one of my very favorite plays ~
“How many years has it been since we were at the harvest dance? — at any dance? ... I love you, Aggie! I love you more than chocolate biscuits!”
~ Brian Friel’s, Dancing at Lughnasa
Well it wasn’t quite a harvest dance, and we were missing the Irish dialects ☘️, but it was a Nina Simone “Feeling Good” dance that lifted our hearts. I sure do love these three valentines more than all chocolate biscuits there ever could be!
D a y ~ s i x t y ~ t h r e e ~ of 100
February 16, 2019
They are so easy to miss, these full hearted split seconds. In our little corner of the universe, it’s where time stands still.
D a y ~ s i x t y ~ f o u r ~ of 100
February 17, 2019
Water, to Henry, is a never ending stream of fun. Especially when Shu is splashing too. To mama, it has become an invisible threat. It’s not a calming flow of warmth, even when it is warm. I try to imagine what she feels. It seems like it is only ferociously cold, piercing, and heavy. Each drop pounding louder and more thunderous than the one before.
And yet, at least once a day she braves the water. She dips her cup or fork under the faucet in a flash, rinsing it without encountering a single drop. And I am there for the victory. 💦
D a y ~ s i x t y ~ f i v e ~ of 100
February 18, 2019
And another ♥️. She is so full of h e a r t.
Today, I am thinking about ♥️-ful days ahead for those fighting FTD. One that takes a different road after diagnosis; where treatment is a possibility, and the words, “irreversible” and “there is nothing we can do,” are never spoken. Where post-it notes of, “can I have a brain transplant?” aren’t tucked away. Where memories are kept safe, and faces never blurred. Where a mother doesn’t have to keep drifting away, even while her daughter is holding on so tight. I know it will be different someday. I’m sure of it. And I want to fight for that mother and daughter.
“I dwell in possibility.” ~ Emily Dickinson
I have joined the February With Love fundraising campaign for The Association for Frontotemporal Degeneration (FTD, also known as Picks disease). I am humbled to among such a vibrant community giving a voice to those fighting FTD; celebrating our joys, sharing love, and helping to build a hopeful future.
Thank you for taking a moment out of your day to follow these 100 days. I am beyond touched by your support. If you would like to join me in donating to the With Love Campaign for research, advocacy, awareness, and support. Every bit goes such a long way. Please share with anyone who may find it meaningful.
✨To donate ~ https://www.classy.org/fundraiser/1897238
Thank you with love,
D a y ~ s i x t y ~ s i x ~ of 100
February 19, 2019
• day • s i x t y ~ s i x • of 100
Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sweeter dishtowel. 😌
D a y ~ s i x t y ~ s e v e n ~ of 100
February 20, 2019
• day • s i x t y ~ s e v e n • of 100
If he is still asleep when I turn the car off, then I know without a doubt, that baby’s day out was a smashing success. It’s just me and Henry~ the library, a buggy ride, and maybe a croissant for two. It’s becoming routine.
So are these moments of stillness. It’s just me behind the camera, which is quickly becoming one of my very favorite places to be. Playtime before he stirs 📸 ~ messing up, discovering, trying to teach myself the art of this beautiful craft. Then we say goodbye to the lovely Ms. E. who stays with mama so we can have our Wednesday adventures, and I step backwards or forwards into her day.
“Oh good you’re here! And your little boy, too!” is almost always how we are welcomed back in. And every time she says this, I feel so lucky. Henry is ferociously waving (really to himself ☺️), with his cheeks pinched around the happiest smile. All for her.
D a y ~ s i x t y ~ e i g h t ~ of 100
February 21, 2019
“I love him,” she said tickling the hippo. “That’s all.” And off she went.
And that was pretty much all for the day. But it was undoubtedly all that we (all) needed.
D a y ~ s i x t y ~ n i n e ~ of 100
February 24, 2019
“All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust.” ~ Peter Pan
J.M. Barrie sure knew that a little pixie ✨dirt✨ could give you extra wings. Barefoot and leaf covered. Maybe even chasing after a little Pan. You’ll soon be pixie dusted. I sure was.
D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ of 100
February 26, 2019
“Don’t tell me the moon is shining, show me the glint of light on broken glass.” ~ Anton Chekhov
Sometimes you need someone else to help you see it. I hope when you do, they are there just when you need it; opening the door to let the light in.
D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ o ne ~ of 100
March 1, 2019
I thought mama and I had it rough last night until I saw this little pup. ☺️
D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ t w o ~ of 100
March 15, 2019
An amazon prime surprise for a very special five year old. 📦🎈
Around Christmastime we got a singing telegram from this effervescent dusted gal. It was a mix of “Maliz Navidat” (she was so close ☺️), and “Jingle Bells.” After her encore of a very merry “Pledge of Allegiance”(😂) she signed off with, “Hi Kimmy, I miss you and Henry and Shu and Aunt Linda. I wish I could come take care of you and Aunt Linda.” Her wisdom and heart outnumber her whole hand of 5 birthday fingers.
I know mama would have loved to jump out of the box too. It’s so hard leaving her behind. But sometimes it’s doing what I know she would have wanted to do, the things that would have made her bubble over with laughter, that help the most.
I thought I remembered seeing a photo of her in a giant box. I have yet to find it, but I found out after, that these big box birthday surprises really do run in the family. Popping out of a huge tv box, she surprised her sister on her 50th birthday, on this very same porch. 📦🎈
Da y ~ s e v e n t y ~ t h r e e ~ of 100
March 16, 2019
17 hours driving south, their green and white VT plates passed through many states in order to fill their nephew’s crib with his first birthday balloons. 🎈
“I was so good with you. When we had Kim and Paul.” Every night, this is her mantra, to dad’s picture. Lately I think it’s her way of rehearsing; memorizing the most important lines in her entire world.
He’s here mama. He’s here. And you know what? I think they just may have beat your record for the most hours driven for a birthday celebration. Like mama, like son.
And so we celebrated in the way I know she would have wanted: nose to nose, cheek to cheek, balloon to balloon.
Da y ~ s e v e n t y ~ f o u r ~ of 100
March 17, 2019
A belated birthday post, but maybe perfect timing, because I’ve always thought that maybe we’re birthday buddies because of a wee bit O’ Irish luck sprinkled down from from his Grandpa Sullivan. ☘️
Henry Rivers, you made our first trip around the sun together brighter than I ever could have imagined. You always know how to make the sun shine. ☀️
Since we lost an hour because of daylight savings, I’ve already marked “cupcakes” on the calendar for November 3rd when we change clocks again. We’ll take back our birthday hour with more cupcake smudged cheeks. I don’t want to miss a minute of celebrating you.
D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ f i v e ~ of 100
March 18, 2019
If this is turning one, can you even imagine turning six thousand? Hang on there pal, six thousand years is a long ride. 😉
S e v e n t y ~ s i x ~ of 100
March 23, 2019
Well, looks this 🐾 has it all under control. So I think I’ll clock out early today. Henry will take care of lunch- for every bite he gives Tracker two. And mama? Tracks will sit as close as he can to her chair. Henry will take in a numbers lesson while she holds up her phase ten cards. He’ll watch her intently, and reach for each one. And maybe she’ll tickle his shoulder and say, “you’re so good.”
They’ll take care of each other. They always do.
D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ s e v e n ~ of 100
March 25, 2019
Sun dipped songs to start her days.
He won’t miss a chance to follow me into her room. I’m changing sheets and swapping pants and sweaters, while he’s sliding open her closet door and disappearing inside. Pluck, pluck, pluck, and a few loud bangs, he strums our morning soundtrack. “We were so good. Love you. Sorry I had that picks disease.…” she’ll say, beginning each day with the same greeting to dad’s picture.
The best part? Whether the sun is out or the moon has taken her place, we get two or three chances to repeat this morning routine in just one day. As long as Henry’s awake when her new day begins, he’s there accompanying her on dad’s guitar.
D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ e i g h t ~ of 100
March 26, 2019
He’s thinking, “If only I had a hat, too.”
(And maybe a 🍪 to go with the 🥛)
D a y ~ s e v e n t y ~ n i n e ~ of 100
March 28, 2019
You never know what each second may bring, so keep climbing to the next.
D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ of 100
March 30, 2019
A squished-button-nose just to see you, mama.
I don’t think you can be any more loved than squished-button-nose-loved.
D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ o n e ~ of 100
April 1, 2019
I haven’t been ready for April just yet. March 31, 1988 is the very last calendar square in the baby book that she made for me. It has not only been our way of connecting over motherhood, but it has been my guide; my way of looking for answers to the questions I wish I could ask her, and the stories I want to hear.
The first time returning a smile, loving (and eating) toes, funny faces at peaches, babbling alien words (as she put it ☺️), discovering belly buttons, first teeth, and on and on. She left me a map for this wild and extraordinary ride; one that I have been so lucky to have, especially as both of us started our marathon of many firsts on the very same day.
On the last date she writes, “Very silly Kimberly just laughs to laugh.” I would say the same about very silly Henry. 😌
So here we go, kiddo, it’s you and me. If nothing else, we’ll just laugh to laugh our way through.
D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ t w o ~ of 100
April 5, 2019
Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.
A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner
(All the while, unintentionally twinning with Grandma)
D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ t h r e e ~ of 100
April 7, 2019
Gonna make this garden grow. Just outside her window.
Pulling weeds and picking stones
🌱Man is made of dreams and bones 🌱
Feel the need to grow my own
Cause the time is close at hand
Painful rain, sun and rain
Find my way in nature's chain
Tune my body and my brain
To the music from the land
~The Garden Song, by David Mallett
D a y ~ e i g h t y ~ f o u r ~ of 100
April 11, 2019
“They talk a lot,” she’ll say about NPR playing, Cat Stevens singing, or me babbling away. She laughs a little. Other times it’s full of wonderment, as if she’s talking about a place she’s never been to. The way that Peter talks about Neverland and Wendy listens; yearning to see it, dreaming to understand. Then there are the times when she’ll say it as if it’s all static. That’s when she may even say, “I don’t know what they talk. I don’t need to hear it.”
Tracker snuggled up like this today (he absolutely did this himself ☺️) made me think about all the noise she hears in one day. When most words no longer have meaning you are lost in a foreign language without a translator. And not just language as we think of it, but the unknown language of objects: a blender, wooden blocks tumbling, a car horn beeping.
There must be times when this is all she wants to do. And you know something...she does. I’ve never connected it until just now; she cocoons herself in her blanket much like this when she sleeps.
Tomorrow I want to listen more closely so that I can turn off all the noise for her when she needs it. I think a day of just her voice saying, “you’re so good,” is very much needed. It has a lasting echo of its own. More than enough to fill the whole day.